I got this from a christian t-shirt company (uthstuff.com).
1. Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
2. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
3. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 6. Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
7. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
8. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
9. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
10. Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
1. If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
2. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
3. Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
4. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
5. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
6. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
7. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
8. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
9. When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
10. Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.